It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
