Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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