Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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