Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
