we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
