you have to choose: penises or morals?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The uberlube is also flammable
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
