All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
