Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
