I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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