so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
