You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
