i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
