I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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