Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
