i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
