well I can't set my house on fire every night
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
