Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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