we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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