I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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