my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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