now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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