Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
