Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
