he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
