i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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