I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
