just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My dick has a subreddit
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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