i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
