is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
