I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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