Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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