oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
bring money and cleavage
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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