Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
where are my eyebrows?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
