I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You ruined the universe
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
