she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
