Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
