its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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