I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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