I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
