why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
