I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
