I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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