Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
