i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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