Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
