I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
