Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
