and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to have your abortion
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
