I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will be naked everywhere
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
