you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
