I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
