Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
