Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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