I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
