I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
