So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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