Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
